Happy Halloween and Samhain!

Oh man oh man I am hyped!! It’s the best day of the year! Next to “you made it around the sun again, have some free stuff” day, aka, birthday. Since I’m not at home I’ve had to find some fun things to do here and wow, today is gonna be fun!

At 10 am (so in an hour for me, god it’s early) there’s a 1940’s themed market which I’m going to raid! And im excited! Apparently there’s a spitfire replica there and I’ve never seen one and I’m excited! I’m not huge into war machines but that’s just cool!

About a year or two ago I started learning to read tarot, and what day is better than today to read them! I mean, it’s freaking Halloween! I bought a deck the other day since I forgot mine at home. If I were any good at reading them I’d offer readings in the market as a way to talk to people! I love socializing, it’s weird.

Tomorrow starts November which means we’re super close to my birthday and I have no idea what I want to do for that. There are plenty of places that do free meals on birthdays so I’m going to take advantage of that. Otherwise I haven’t planned anything. Since my birthday is the 9th, it falls on Remembrance Day long weekend, which means I get a real weekend. Working Saturdays is lame but what can you do when you have to pay bills right?

I’m rambling again, which I’m one hundred percent blaming on the fact I slept for only eight hours last night. But yeah, happy Halloween! And a blessed Samhain! I love you all and be safe today!

— Deryn

Growing!

I’ve grown a lot as a blog. Because of this, I built a Patreon and it’s even under my blogs name. I’ve been going at this for long enough now that I felt it was necessary to finally get that made so I feel like a real creator. That and I have my paypal built. I know I’m not the best in the business but I’m really trying to grow as a person and as a blogger / writer so I can start making a living on it. Needless to say I’m really learning a lot and I appreciate everyone who reads my work. Even if it is mostly rambles, I still love all of you! I really can’t thank you enough.

I’m sitting here listening to Sabaton and mildly drunk hoping that future me fixes this post enough (I did, don’t worry you idiot) that I don’t sound completely dumb. Because I’ve been writing for like, two hours trying to get words onto a document for my future novel. Do you write? I’d love to get to see your writing! Especially when I leave Chesterfield and head to Leicester. It’ll be more “what do I do” down there. For those who don’t know, I have family down there. To be more .. precise, my grandmothers cousin. She’s an amazing woman. Last time I was in England, I made it a point to visit her, and it was a great time. Every day she made a beautiful meal and kept me entertained while I was visiting.
On a side note, why is Leicester pronounced Lester? I’m still bothered by that.

Have you listened to The Red Baron? Because I’m addicted to this song right now! I’ve listened to this song on repeat for a few hours now and it’s amazing! (Can you tell I was drunk when I wrote this? I really do enjoy this song though. Frig I must have listened to it on repeat for almost an hour) This band is truly amazing!

Now that I’ve sobered up a bit, I’m hilarious when I’ve had too much to drink. I just ramble and shit. But that’s okay because I actually write. I’ve noticed reading back on this post, it’s basically a Sabaton love letter. Which in all reality isn’t a bad thing as they’re one of my favourite bands! I really started writing this post to say I built my Patreon and PayPal properly so if you really like my stuff than you can support me!

Once I get through this first draft of my novel, I’ll start posting for advice and such. I’ve been trying to write this stupid book for almost two years. I really hope that as I get to that point, everyone will be as excited as I am for it. Something about making a whole world yourself is just exciting ya know?

I head home a week from today and I’m honestly wishing I was here longer. I love the friends and family I have! But at the same time, I miss my dad, and Shadow! Tomorrow is the 1940’s market, so I’m going to that! Man, if you ever get the chance, this place is amazing! Just seeing the people was worth the trip for me! Anyway, I’ve talked your ear off, have a good day!

Thanks for dealing with my rambles! I love you all!
— Deryn

Thanksgiving was Amazing

A friend invited the boyfriend and I over for dinner so I had to, cause free food is best. Thanksgiving has always been a weird holiday for me, but I owe her for making this one fantastic.

There was a full turkey dinner made by hand, such as stuffing, vegetables all baked and such, and an apple crisp! I haven’t had a turkey dinner since my grandmother died a couple years ago, so at first I wasn’t going to go. Good thing I did though, we had a lot of fun. There were six of us total, and after all the food, a very, verbal game of monopoly.

Have you ever had homemade whip cream? Holy snap, that’s officially my favourite thing and I’m going to make it now! The food was so delicious, I can’t get over how good it was. I aspire to hold family and friend dinners like that in the future.

I also now know how to win like an absolute asshole at monopoly. There was also a table cloth that we could colour with so many different crayons. Dinner was so much fun!

The same with my trip to Vancouver and how I went with friends, this holiday was meant for me to celebrate with a group of friends who I can reminisce and tell stories with.

As cliche as it is, I wanted to say thanks. Stay warm this winter! And thanks for reading!
— Deryn

Gaming Update

So I had a wack ass dream the other night which gave me Bloodborne vibes. So I decided I wanted to play it again. I beat it a few months after it launched and I haven’t played it since. My god it’s hard. I love games like that but I suck at them. Since I’m attempting to play it again, I figure I should go for a different ending. So bare with me as I go over why I love this game! Because really, if you haven’t played it, you really should. Really. Like straight up. Legit. Totes dude. Yeeeeeeeeah. I’m sorry, I just put the game down for the night and it’s 2am. Guess who works tomorrow…

It’s So Pretty!
Like, damn. Those graphics are top notch. Even after a few years it’s still gorgeous! I just went and looked, it came out in 2015, so four years now! Even the insane amount of blood from killing enemies looks super well done. The dark caverns and immense light from particular creatures running around just looks stunning. That is a game that has aged well for sure!

Like, look at it!

It’s a Real Challenge!
I’m used to playing games like Sims and The Legend of Zelda, don’t get me wrong, Zelda can be tough but it’s all mind games. Bloodborne though, this game is so unforgiving. I find myself constantly getting angry by the fact I should have seen that coming.. Or that I never seem to hit the “heal” button fast enough. I’ve played the Dark Souls games before but something about this game just really stuck with me. I’ve definitely damaged a couple controllers through the playthroughs of this game.

Map Design
There’s this neat thing the game does where bits of the map all loop together. I’ve been playing games forever and you really notice when the map designer takes the time to add almost Easter eggs and short cuts all over is great.

It looks like a Movie!

It’s Been Four Years
Which means it’s a good price! And if you get lost, there are plenty of YouTube videos showing you where to go! Because I’m one of those people who gets lost easy and needs help. Good price though, honest. I grabbed my copy for like $10, since I’m broke, it’s great.

I Know I’m Rambling
But you really should at least watch a playthrough, or even if I start streaming, watch me play it and get frustrated! Actually that sounds great. It’s worth every dollar and every second. I promise. Anyways…

Thanks for reading!
— Deryn

F*** Moving Out

I’m so done with all of this stress. I had a good talk with my boyfriend about it and we figure, if we fix up my place, and then just save, we’ll just buy a place when we’re ready. Our current living conditions are cheap and stable, so we might as well.

I’m not built to stress. I mean I know no one is, but I never stressed when I was younger so I’m not prepared to deal with it in the real world. The idea that my whole world can come crashing down so fast really scares me and there’s nothing I would be able to do. Because of this, I’ve changed my game plan. As I was saying before, we’re stable and cheap, this is going to be our key to success, mostly mine cause he doesn’t worry as much. Asshole.

Where I am right now, I’m paying less than someone if they were renting just a room, so that’s how I save fast. My whole “cost of living” is about $800 – $900 a month. Living in the Okanagan, that is cheap as all hell. So I’m going to keep doing this and saving up. There’s still a bit of repairs left to do, but I don’t know if I’m going to put as much effort into them as I did before. Plus, there’s two of us here. So we’re doing ok.

So For Next Year?
I guess the way it sits right now, live here and the next year I’ll move out. My dad owns a piece of my trailer, so I’ll just ask for a reimbursement on the money I’ve put into it. He can sell it or keep it from there I guess. At that point I really don’t care.

For the time being, I’m going to go through all of my stuff and pretend like I’m still moving so I can downsize. Maybe have a garage sale before it gets too cold and make a few bucks. And I think I still want a roommate. I’ve got to clean a few things so I can get that train rolling now. This also gives me time to save for a computer! Actually that’s pretty exciting, I really like really really really want a new computer. Plus England is in less than a month now, so I shouldn’t stress myself out more than I need to.

New Things I NEED For My Current Place
I have to clean up my spare room. Even if no one moves in, just having it cleaned up and painted, I could use it as an office of sorts.
Roof has a little leak on the back deck, so I should patch that before it becomes a problem.
And… There’s the storage room which is an absolute wreck right now. So I should really fix that mess.
Decor! I wanna go HARD this holiday season. And no one, and I mean it, like no one in the whole world, is going to stop me.

As For Right Now?
I’m going to have to go day by day I guess. Do my best not to overwhelm or stress myself out and continue living everyday to the fullest. Plus there’s all the saving for the computer, camera and future endeavors. Wish me luck? I guess?
I’m definitely going to keep blogging. I really enjoy this and it’s helping with my metal state. Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. I’ve taken enough of your day now, so as always…

Thanks for reading!
— Deryn

Apartment Hunting

With trying to sell my place, I really want to not have property problems for awhile so I’m looking at apartments. I found some just down the road that I’m going to take a look at and ask was too many questions.

First Place

It’s cute! I actually really enjoy the size and location of the building. But it’s a little too expensive. I don’t make enough to rent a place like that. And it’s only a one bedroom apartment. Already discouraged and I’m just starting.

Second Place

It’s a house, not an apartment. Which is ok I really don’t mind. I just don’t have anyone else who can take an extra room and some slack on the rent. Otherwise I could easily even own a place like that.

May have found a Roommate!
AND THERE’S A SECOND

Ok, so if I go the house route I’ve got to look after I get back from England. Well either way I should wait, since this trip is expensive. Or do I go the apartment route? Frig I don’t know anymore.
Since I don’t want to deal with property I may just see if I can get a big apartment or condo even.
I’m going to keep looking either way. I’ll eventually find the perfect place, right?

So there are some things I didn’t know I needed?
Like a bathtub, and a full stove.
Laundry and a window for Shadow to look out of.
The space to host Magic the Gathering nights.
Room for computer setups.

After putting my lists together, I may need to look at a house. I’m excited for what the future has to offer though! So here’s to that! Anyway…

Thanks for reading!
— Deryn

Mental Health

What an interesting topic. The past few years I’ve gone to counselling and I was seeing a therapist for a bit. Just as a way to keep on top of myself I’ve made a habit out of it almost. I’ve healed and learned a lot since I started going right after graduating high school.

My last year of high school I started a relationship I shouldn’t have. My fear of saying no and breaking someones heart got the better of me. I let myself do things I wouldn’t normally and let people do things to me that weren’t right. I was so convinced that this was something that made me happy and I let myself push everyone I cared about away. I didn’t even know I was doing it until it was too late. I left myself in a situation where I was alone. That was the most difficult time of my life. I came back and tried to fix it but clearly I was too late.

That past year I’ve fixed up some relationships that I still had and made some new friends along the way. I wish I could go and apologize to all the people I hurt but I don’t know if I’ll see them again. But one person in particular I miss, she was my best friend through school, and I hurt her the most. It sucks not saying hi to certain people anymore; not being able to tell them you’re sorry.

Now that I’m content and have learned from what I did and what I should have done, I’ve been more open about what happened and can even joke about it now. I recommend talking to a professional to everyone I know. I also offer my experience as a lesson to those who need it.

I’m writing this because I fell into a bit of a rut and couldn’t stop crying the other day. Since then I’ve been feeling burnt out. I’ve got a meeting with my counselor next week and cannot wait to see her again. I’m sorry for a longer and more serious post than normal but I wanted to tell someone what’s going on in my life right now. Thanks for listening to my rambles and here’s a picture of Shadow to make up for it all.

He’s all over my Insta

I appreciate you all and thanks for reading!
— Deryn