Chatting Over Dinner

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Last night a friend and I went and got dinner so we could reconnect. She’s taking time off work for mental health, so we took the evening to compare stories, and even relationships. She’s been with her partner for just over two years now. And all of my relationships have a habit of ending before the two year mark, which isn’t a bad thing. They were meant to end when they did, although some could have ended sooner...

We play cards together, and before this virus hit, we were really the only women in the group. Being that way, her and I bonded pretty quick, and she’s always been there since. When it comes to female friends, I only have a few. The few I do have, I hold onto very tight. Precious quality time with the ladies is important to me. There are just some things you can’t talk to anyone else about. Or is that just me?

I’ve grown so attached to Midna, I can’t believe it sometimes

Dating with mental illness is weird. Both of us have depression, although she definitely suffers from it more. She’s an absolute sweetie and deserves all of the best things in the world. Depending on who you talk to, they would say the same for me… That’s a weird realization... ADHD has got me the weirdest reactions from people though. I don’t think before I do anything, which sometimes can lead me into some trouble. I’ve made real progress in dealing with that, but I can always improve. Plus I have a trash memory, which helps with nothing ever.

Percy is the cutest when he sleeps!

In case you’re curious, only a piece of the conversation was devoted to “in the bedroom”. Man did she ask me tons of questions, holy frick. Not that I don’t want to answer most of the time, but dang she had questions. Oh crap it’s time to publish! Guess that’s all I have for today! Thanks for stopping by, and have a good day!
— Deryn

Going Back on Lockdown

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Depending on where you are, life is getting complicated again. My local news site has been sharing some sad stuff about the schools around here. Children are known for carrying all sorts of diseases, and that’s starting to really show. In my local area, there’s been a couple schools now with new cases. If everything gets bad again, we’ll have to go back into lockdown. There are definitely perks and some real downsides to being back under voluntary house arrest.

Last time we were on lockdown, we did so much hiking! And I would love to get back on that train as I was in good shape and getting amazing pictures! I just got my replacement headphones in the mail too. I claimed my warranty so I can hike and walk around more. Hiking is just, so much fun and really good for the body. With snow coming soon, I’ll get so many beautiful pictures! Who needs a gym when you live next to a mountain?

Don’t mind the roommate

My mental health peaked so hard during lockdown! Although, I’ve made real progress over the past few months. Finances too, lockdown makes money saving so easy! With everywhere being closed it’s almost impossible to go out to buy food after all. Midna is also 100% a fan of lockdowns. More walks, and both mums being around all day, it’s a dream come true for her! Not the cats though, they still hate everything.

If, or I guess when, lockdown happens, we’ll see how it goes. I’m not worrying either way. As far as I’m concerned, life is great. Side note, no post on Monday as it’s my birthday! I’m going to be busy the whole weekend. Maybe Wednesday I’ll have a filler post. Being a holiday I should be able to make that work. Anyway, that’s all I have for today. Talk soon, and be safe out there!
— Deryn

Looking Back a Year

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So I wasn’t sure what to write about, which has been happening a lot actually. With that, I looked back at what I was talking about a year ago. Working with just one post, I would have nothing really to talk about besides just recapping what I said then. With that in mind, I grabbed the three posts around exactly one year ago today. I wanted to buy a camera, was in the middle of a depression rut, and missing some old zombie novels I read in High School. Let’s dissect me from a year ago, shall we?

My lovely ghost!

Starting with the camera I still love, a Canon Rebel SL3. I don’t know what it is, but this little camera is just so cute! I love it and want one so bad still. The quality on my pictures overall has improved drastically in the past year, I still really like the idea of having a real camera. I’ve got a friend who has a really nice camera and ends up with some of the most amazing pictures. Knowing myself though, I’d do it for a couple weeks and just quit bringing it around. Woo, ADHD…

My mental health has improved quite a lot considering over the last year. My memory therapist and I aren’t working together anymore. Not for any negative reasons, we’re just out of sessions is all. Apparently I paid her for a whole year just before August was over? And I forgot? And thought it was free because I never got a bill? That was a fun conversation we got to have, but that’s why I hired her. Well, more like why she is the professional. (I made myself laugh having to explain that.) There really isn’t much else we can work on without getting another therapist, and I don’t have the money anymore so I probably won’t do that for awhile.

Those old zombie books, with an updated link to purchase them yourself, were a huge piece of my grade eleven year. I would one hundred percent reread them for a Multimedia Monday post. at least the first two. The third was written differently and I wasn’t its biggest fan. I have a very vivid memory of my English teacher getting mad at me for getting too into the book and almost screaming when a character almost died. Out of all the novels I fell in love with, that set is one I don’t currently own though. There’s another series I have to find that I read in Elementary School that I have memories of. I have no idea what it’s called however and don’t know how I’d even find it. Is that a future blog post? Frick yeah it will be, probably.

What a beautiful sunset

But yeah, that’s an update! This was a lot of fun to go back and look into. However, that’s all I have for today. Thanks for stopping by, and I hope you have an awesome day! Be safe out there!
— Deryn

I Always Thought

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So, recently I joined an ADHD Facebook group and have got myself sucked into that side of TikTok. With that, I’ve been learning a lot, and today that really hit me. (There might be a trigger or two in here for people, just FYI).)
For years I thought it was always “me being the problem” because I’m loud and struggle to think before I talk. Classroom settings are evil and the “I have to finish this” feeling have been around as much as I can remember. Especially growing up hearing phrases like “try harder” and “just focus” all the time.

Yes, that’s a Snapchat Screenshot

I’ve discovered I hyperfixate on certain things, including on people, which is why I develop crushes on people the way that I do. It’s not a crush, I’m literally unable to tell my brain “no”. When I have that feeling for cleaning my house though, holy snap do I clean my damn house. I had that feeling yesterday on laundry and got like, three loads washed before I lost that urge to clean. 
Or that executive dysfunction is a common feeling I get when I fight my own brain on being productive. I have had literal arguments with myself over just sitting up because my brain won’t talk to the rest of my body. It’s hard to fight your own brain, and really sucks being told you’re just lazy all the time. 

Chores are evil, and that’s apparently because without instant dopamine my brain just gives up. And with a new hobby too, if I’m not immediately good at it, I quit. Long term projects are just the worst!
For years I thought it’s because I was a mistake, that I was a problem. And with that, I developed depression. I’ve had some scary low days and again, I always thought I was a fuck up. 

Being where I am now has been great though, I have good relationships with the people around me who want me to succeed and grow, I have a … decent … coping system that makes me not want to die all the time, and I find some days I can actually take complements without cringing!

Sorry for the ramble, but thanks for listening! Or I guess reading along... You’re amazing, and I hope you have a good day! Be safe out there!
— Deryn

My Week Off

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Monday was quiet, the roommate and I didn’t do a whole lot. She was having an off day, so I let her play Halo with some of my friends overseas. I, on the other hand, took Midna to the beach with her best friend Taz. It was a good relaxing day for sure. The dog beach we went to had a ton of people Taz’ dad knew so I was all quiet and awkward. Prime first impressions, am I right? I know, I’m shy at the oddest of times, but it’s fine.

Midna is such good girl

Tuesday was just another Tuesday. I worked, caught some League of Legends streams, got super invested in the new game Fall Guys, and laughed with my cab drivers. I had a driver almost get screwed out of $277, but somehow the universe loves him enough and it worked out. It was a huge deal, cops were involved, I couldn’t help but think “for that kind of money, why not just ask for it in advance,” but whatever. That kind of good luck or karma? is wonderful and we all could use some more of that.

My lovely roommate has got me into The Good Place on Netflix. That show is hilarious! I think we’re a couple episodes into the second season, but I highly recommend it. I’ve had a great time the whole time. About once a week, her and I watch a few episodes together until I get just too tired. The characters are well written and the setting is just perfect. We always stay up WAY past my bedtime, so about eleven or twelve at night, and I’m usually way too invested 

Found some deer

Wednesday, the roommate started doing some noon till eight shifts, so having the morning is exciting!
Once back from taking her to work, I’m having sushi with an old friend from high school. I’m excited to tell her that I have no idea who she is… I’ll probably devote a post to that. At least, if much happens.

Not a whole lot happened. Her and I chatted, ate some sushi and went on a nice walk down by the lake. Nice chick, and I’m glad I reconnected with her! Man I sure have booked today up. I still have to go out to play some Magic. Maybe I’ll grab some dinner too while I’m out.

We got to play in Twice the Dice, which I believe I’ve mentioned before. They took over for the viking bar in town and now sell board games and a really good London Fog. I went out with the ex to play as we still hang out, and I really need to step up my Magic game because I’m so tired of losing! 

When I got home, the lovely roommate surprised me with some dollar store plates and permanent markers. Our goal, write all the bad things we think or hear about ourselves on these plates, and then smash them. Mine was an absolute mess, words scribbled all over and tons of overlap, hers was much more neat and quite easy to read. After we finished, we went outside and just threw them to the ground. Who needs therapy! That’s a joke… I need therapy...

Aftermath of plate smashing

Thursday is cleanup day. Took the roommate to work, did the litter boxes, swept my whole house and then was finally able to relax. 
Same with Friday. Friday was quiet. I played an unholy amount of Stardew Valley. Ended the night with Fall Guys and Sims. 

Beautiful views of West Kelowna

Saturday, O’Keefe Ranch. Dad wanted to go to the candy store, and I made friends with goats! In primary school, we apparently went there on a field trip, but I definitely have no idea. They’re like, an actual ranch still though, so goats, a nice donkey, and the sheep were great. I didn’t pay enough attention to the history of the place, that’s my bad. There were goats!

Goat!
And the donkey!

Sunday was a rough day. I slept most of it. Don’t know what hit me but my overall mood was rather low. When I finally got out of bed, I played some Fall Guys with some friends. So I guess it wasn’t all bad! Oh, that and my dad and I are going to get through the last few seasons of Game of Thrones. Apparently he never finished it so… Woo! We’re going to finish season six and then I’m going to convince him to binge it with me. But, that’s for another day.

Nice fountain at O’Keefe Ranch

So, as you can tell, I’m the most interesting person ever. All in all, it’s been a good bit of time to devote to other things. Thanks for coming by, and for sticking around. Stay safe out there!
— Deryn