More Dad Stories

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Remember the one time my dad scared me? Well, my dad is a unique character, and over the years has really found out the power he has over my understanding of the world. I’ve realized as of late that he really just ruined my vocabulary over the years. There’s two examples in particular that I would like to share. I love my dad, I really do, but these realizations make it easy for friends to bully me. I say this with love. After finding out what’s wrong with my word choice, it sticks with me forever.

My first real “huh” moment was walking to school one day. Marmots are a lovely little critter that lives around here. If you don’t know what a marmot is, it’s basically a groundhog kind of thing. Cute little fluffy rodent type that loved the fields around my high school, and when I was younger, I didn’t know what they were. I guess the education system failed me huh. Being the curious kid I am, I asked my dad.

This cutie is a marmot

Guess what he told me. “Fuzzum,” that’s what he told me. Fuzzum. My freaking dad, convinced me, that a damn marmot was called a fuzzum. You know how I found out what they were actually called, a friend who was all “a what???” when I called them a fuzzum. I was devastated at the idea that my dad had fooled me for years about the damn rodents name. Yes, I’m still upset, and it’s been years now. I still use fuzzum, and my roommate also does now. But finding out the first time that I was lied to, ruined me. Well, not actually, but pretty much.

My other “well shit” moment was learning what a cattail is. If you’ve ever seen one, they look kind of like a corndog. I know that’s a bizarre comparison, but that’s what they look like. Now, I’ve only seen them in real life at one spot in town. I remember the interaction with my dad vividly. “The wild corndogs are looking good this year, all they need is some mustard,” was what my dad said to me. I never thought about it after the fact.

This is what a Cattail looks like

My lovely roommate was sharing a Tiktok with me, and a cattail was thrown to the ground. They explode normally and look like cotton in the wind. Of course, I got excited and had to share my understanding of what happened. I said to her, “hey, that poor wild corndog,” to which I got complete confusion out of her. I shared this particular moment on Facebook, and that didn’t help. Crazy things one just never expects to learn so late in life.

Well, that’s all I have for today. Thanks for stopping by, and if you have any similar stories, I’d love to hear them! Be safe out there, and stay warm!
— Deryn

Halloween in 2020

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I have to work today. Guess who’s going in full costume!! Spoiler, it’s me! Oh I am so excited! Spirit Halloween is a great store that I spent way too much money at this year. I’ve got vampire fangs, a full pirate costume, and an inflated ego all ready to go. My boots are 100% impractical, and this waist belt thing is putting in WORK! I’m living for it.

Dad wants breakfast, so first stop is there. Man, this hat is massive! Every time I think about my hat I start laughing. I’m so excited! The lovely people there loved my costume. I’m supposed to “YAARRR” each person I talk to apparently. My dad wants me to report back on that, but I don’t think I will. Just sounds like it’ll kill my voice…

Now that I’m at work, I’ve stuck my nametag to my coat. I lowkey look dorky, but I feel awesome in this costume. I also forgot my fangs at home, although I talk better without them, and I work in sales. Being able to talk (or I guess communicate) is kind of my job. So far, work is quiet. I’m sitting here watching YouTube videos, writing this. Tonight is where the excitement will be. I’m having both my boyfriend and the roommates boyfriend over for scary movies!

There’s a rock in my boot… The highlight of my day so far has been trying to fish that out without taking the boot off. Oh, wait, maybe a customer? Or they’re headed to Tim Horton’s... Nope, not my customer. At this rate, I’ll catch up on all the YouTube I have yet to watch. Well, it’s only noon, so we’ll see.

Three in the afternoon and still not a whole lot. One real customer and I know him so…

I had two customers today. And one made me almost cry. Super not into that, but what do you do? Anyway, time to stop at the grocery store, grab the last few things we need, and then party! I mean, as much of a party as watching scary movies and drinking pop goes.

First movie, Candyman. Tony Todd is a great actor and I’m surprised I’ve never seen that movie before. An interesting concept and THE BEES! All around, good movie.

Second movie of the night, Night of the Living Dead. More Tony Todd I know, and a good idea. I got to show the roommate why I made the “solid doors” joke. All around, good time.

Last movie for us, As Above, So Below. What an interesting movie! Roommate’s boyfriend recommended it and my god what a good idea! It was like, creepy, suspenseful and I hadn’t seen it, so I needed a protection shoulder to hide behind. Scary movies are great! Only thing, I had to look the ending up because it seemed to, happy? Yeah, that’s probably the best way to describe it. All around good movie though and I’m glad it was recommended!

That’s it though, I’m tired. No kids came around but that’s probably a good thing. Thanks for coming with me! Talk soon!

— Deryn

My Current Hyperfixation

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So, I’m making a blanket. I found all my old crochet materials and decided I’d pick it up again. I’m not very good at it, but I enjoy it, and I can actually see the progress I’m making which helps my ADHD with consistent dopamine hits.

Stole this picture from my dad

I decided, I think it was my last year of high school, that I was going to learn to crochet because my grandma knit a lot and I wanted to hang out with her doing something similar. It was all mostly just to prove that I could. We would spend hours watching The Waltons and just making stuff. I remember lying to her about if I had a spare block just so I could come home early to get some episodes in before my dad got home from work.

Fun fact about this hobby, I can’t read crochet patterns, so I watch YouTube videos to learn stitches. I know how to do all the different stitches, and I know their names, but I just can’t read them and understand. That’s amusing to think about actually. I’ve made blankets, bows for Christmas presents, a bag once, and so many other things now, but I can’t follow a written pattern at all.

I think I’m going to put this blanket on my couch. It’s rather large as I was using my bed to measure width. Work today is slow, so I’m making more “knots” as my dad likes to say while waiting to go home this evening. I don’t mind waiting like this though, it’s supposed to hit almost 40° today and I get to spend that inside in air conditioning. If I wasn’t doing this, I’d probably be farming today. I’m almost done Year 2 in Story of Seasons now. Am I a boring person? Sometimes...

My Instagram will have updates on my blanket if you’d like to see it. Low key too, I’m using that app more, so if you want to see what I do in my spare time, go check it out! Shameless plug? Yep! Anyway, I’m struggling to focus, all I want to do is work on this blanket, so I’m leaving this post here. Thanks for stopping by today! Stay safe out there!
— Deryn

The One Time my Dad Scared Me

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Over the weekend, myself, the roommate and a friend were in my living room talking about how The Tower in tarot sets are actually the scary card right? At some point I went “ahh” and my dad banged on the window behind me and went “AHHHH” much louder. We all jumped like absolute wimps, but that got me remembering stuff! Hence this post.

When I was younger, and we had just sent up cable in my room, I had started getting courageous. We spent all day taping the cords down and drilling holes into the wall to make sure the cables didn’t get wrecked by accident. I felt so cool, having my own CRT in my bedroom. That thing weighed so much, and sat on my old dresser all neat.

Later that night, and by late I mean like 8pm, I decided I was going to watch a scary movie. The only good one was Dawn of the Dead on Spike TV I think? It may have been on AMC. I’ve seen that movie a few times, but it’s a good movie so why not right?

The Movie Poster

The credits had just rolled, and I hear a sudden thud at the front door. My mind went “did I accidentally lock my dad out” and I got up. My dad, thinking he was hilarious, was pretending to be a zombie.
My immediate thought was “dad, stop” but of course, my dad won’t give up. He’s in it for the laughing on the floor later about it deal. 

One thing my dad doesn’t get enough credit for is his determination. He did not stop shuffling down the hallway. It didn’t matter the terror in my eyes or the “I’ll call grandma” threats I kept making, he just slowly walked down the hall. By this point, I’m convinced he’s actually a zombie, I’m a wuss alright, and I don’t know what to do. This was probably one of the last years we had a landline, so I grabbed it and locked myself in the bathroom.

Found on Pexels

I’m crying my eyes out while trying to call my grandmother and my fucking dad thinks it’s a great idea to bang on the bathroom door. My poor grandma picks up the phone to me crying and screaming in my bathtub saying “dad is a zombie and I need help” while forgetting to breathe. My grandma, man, what a woman. She laughs at me and says to get up and tell him off.

I took like an hour of me hiding in the bathroom before I was okay. My dad had a great time, the asshole… I love my dad but sometimes man… And my grandmother was proud no one got hurt. After that, I never watched horror movies on my own until I was like, twenty. Looking back at it, I really enjoy I remembered that. I’ll hold onto that memory for as long as I can. 

Thanks for coming with me down memory lane today! I hope you have an awesome day! Be safe!
— Deryn