Remember When

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There was a time when I wanted to trend so hard that I was “trendy” with my posts and titles. That isn’t the wrong thing to do, but it really isn’t me. If you’ve been around my blog, or even my social media for awhile, you know I’m unique and have quite the writing style. I’m only linking these titles so you can mock me, but don’t read them, it’s embarrassing. These were like, a year ago and they’re bad.

Example one of my terrible decisions.
Example deux of my decent into blogging..
Example tres of I shouldn’t quit my day job
(Like the different languages? Nope? Yeah I know…)

I’ve talked about the fact I used to get the titles and ideas from Pinterest, which clearly was a mistake. Only because I used them to make content I wasn’t passionate about, and you can tell. Those “trendy” titles make sense, but I find it hard to really live through my words with them. If you want to read that, I’ve saved you from having to go look for it.

Normally, just like with my general speaking habits, if it’s something I’m passionate about, or know about, I can just keep going with my rambling. That, and if I’m in a manic. On a side note, work has been weird. I know I only work on Tuesdays, but it’s become, odd. Mornings, because I start at six in the morning, are quiet. My poor drivers get maybe two trips until about noon. And then, it’s almost like a switch, and we get stupid busy. I know that isn’t the most relevant thing, but I wanted to share that with someone.

This blog has been good to me. I cannot thank everyone enough, and I know I say it a lot, but it really has helped get my thoughts in order. And the fact I get to track some memories for that just in case my memory fails again. I love what I do, and you all help me succeed, thank you.
Shameless plug? Always!
Want to support me more? My social media is a good source for what I do when I’m not typing. Twitter and Instagram are the two I use most. Looking to support financially? Yo, I appreciate that! PayPal and Patreon are the best ways to do that!

I know, surprise cat! Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for today, work is starting to get busy. Thanks for stopping by today! Stay safe out there!
— Deryn

My Personal Library

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I have a problem, and I keep buying books. In case you were in the “if you read a book, and can get another book” mentality, I’m not. I’ve finished N0S4A2 this year, and bought about half a dozen books. I’m getting through Imaginary Friend slowly, but I also have to finish Dune before the Netflix adaptation comes out.

I have a bookshelf in my bedroom, and there’s a mutual bookshelf that we have in the living room. Anyone who can see it recognizes it from last Christmas.
I wrote a big thing on it, and I’m glad I still have a use for it.

But between us, occasionally we actually finish books. The ones that at least one of us finishes, live in the big bookcase in the living room, like a trophy. In my room, I have novels I haven’t even picked up yet, some textbooks, and a lot of poetry books. When I finish novels, I’ll add them to our growing collection, but I’ll keep the other ones I think.

There’s actually quite a few books up front that I put in there, so it looks less like I don’t read. But, that doesn’t mean I won’t sit here and bully myself for not reading enough, so I’ve made a list of hopefully all, if not most the novels I need to hurry up and read.

Imaginary Friend by Stephen Chbosky
Hex by Thomas Olde Heuvelt
Don’t Wake Up by Liz Lawler
A God in the Shed by J-F. Dubeau
The Tangled Lands by Paolo Bacigalupi and Tobias S. Buckell
Dune by Frank Herbert
These are just a few of the books I have to get through still. I’m at least a third of the way through Imaginary Friend, so I’ve got a foot in the door at least. I’m going to definitely try and power through some of these so I feel less bad about the other books I haven’t named and still haven’t read...

See, I finished N0S4A2!

I love to read, and some of these novels took my breath, my heart and tears for hopefully the better. I am doing my best to read more as I also want to write, and I don’t believe you can write something without reading a book in the genre first. Everyone has a different style and a story to tell, right?

As I read through these books, I’ll make a post about them. I’m thinking of devoting say, Monday, Wednesday and Friday to a book for a week. Just seeing if I can read through these faster.
Anyway, that’s all I have for today. Thanks for stopping by! Be safe out there!
— Deryn

Exploring by Myself

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I’m by myself today, and I don’t know what else to do besides go out and try to enjoy the day. Can’t start my day without a snack though, so I guess the mall is my first stop. Craving poutine today, so I have to deal with that. My journeys always start with a bus ride I’ve noticed.

Got to the mall safely. Complimented like four people along the way. Stopped at New York Fries for lunch, they’ve got a nice poutine. Now, I’m back on the bus headed to City Park. Or maybe Starbucks first. This week was the start of pumpkin spice. It’s not my favourite but it’s alright, and I’m feeling thirsty.

Got a trente? Trenté? Got a super sized cup from Starbucks. Did it give me a headache? Yes. Did I regret it? Not even a little. Sitting under a tree in City Park now. Going to read for about an hour and a half, then head home. Actually I’ll go right to the roommates job, then we can walk home together.

This book is actually pretty good. About a third of the way through now, and it’s getting spooky. I’m super into it, and with my headphones, I’m getting lost in it. There’s too many people walking through this park, so hiding under a tree was a great idea. The closest person to me is about twelve feet away, so I’m safe.

I’ve read fifteen chapters, granted, they’re small, but this book is great. I’m super digging it. 10/10 recommend if anyone is looking for something new to read. I’ve got to put it away for a bit though, I’ve got to go catch my bus.

Guess who literally just missed their bus? But that’s okay, because I caught up with a friend! We’re chatting all the way to my stop, his is one after mine. It’s cool to catch up with friends, especially with the world being where it is right now.

Back on my side of the bridge, got here a bit early, so I’m going to loiter and read until the roommate is off work. This book is great, have I mentioned that yet? I’m enjoying the almost plot twist going on. I’ve got like twenty minutes to read!

She doesn’t know I took this picture…

My dad got us, and we’re headed home now. So, that’s it for today I guess? I love y’all! Have a great day!

— Deryn

I Always Thought

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So, recently I joined an ADHD Facebook group and have got myself sucked into that side of TikTok. With that, I’ve been learning a lot, and today that really hit me. (There might be a trigger or two in here for people, just FYI).)
For years I thought it was always “me being the problem” because I’m loud and struggle to think before I talk. Classroom settings are evil and the “I have to finish this” feeling have been around as much as I can remember. Especially growing up hearing phrases like “try harder” and “just focus” all the time.

Yes, that’s a Snapchat Screenshot

I’ve discovered I hyperfixate on certain things, including on people, which is why I develop crushes on people the way that I do. It’s not a crush, I’m literally unable to tell my brain “no”. When I have that feeling for cleaning my house though, holy snap do I clean my damn house. I had that feeling yesterday on laundry and got like, three loads washed before I lost that urge to clean. 
Or that executive dysfunction is a common feeling I get when I fight my own brain on being productive. I have had literal arguments with myself over just sitting up because my brain won’t talk to the rest of my body. It’s hard to fight your own brain, and really sucks being told you’re just lazy all the time. 

Chores are evil, and that’s apparently because without instant dopamine my brain just gives up. And with a new hobby too, if I’m not immediately good at it, I quit. Long term projects are just the worst!
For years I thought it’s because I was a mistake, that I was a problem. And with that, I developed depression. I’ve had some scary low days and again, I always thought I was a fuck up. 

Being where I am now has been great though, I have good relationships with the people around me who want me to succeed and grow, I have a … decent … coping system that makes me not want to die all the time, and I find some days I can actually take complements without cringing!

Sorry for the ramble, but thanks for listening! Or I guess reading along... You’re amazing, and I hope you have a good day! Be safe out there!
— Deryn

Happy Anniversary

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Wow! Guys, I’ve been doing this for a year now! How crazy is that?! It’s hard to believe that I started this as a hobby a year ago only to now use it for both my sanity, and to tell my stories. I’m excited about this! 

I’ve gone to England on this blog, I’ve hiked random trails around the Okanagan, and I’ve made friends of mine do new things just so I’m not alone on here. The adventures I get to experience, man I love what I do. 

Yes, I’m reusing pictures. Hush now

Without all of the people who tune in and read this every chance they have, I really would be nowhere. I’m baffled and grateful. And to the friends who read my work, and the friends I’ve made, thanks for being there for me! I know I say it a lot, but I really do love all of you.

That’s my office I work at on Tuesdays

I’ve been going through quite a bit lately with understanding trauma and growing for what feels like the first real time as a person. There’s a category of posts tagged under mental health here, and I’m appreciative that I can talk about those things. Being able to put what I’m feeling into words helps me understand what’s going on, and gives me the chance to work on it in a healthy manner.

I still love this picture

I love what I do, and I can see myself doing this for at least another year. This is, was? the best decision and hobby I ever threw myself at. Writing is just, I don’t think I have the words, it’s everything I really needed to control my heart and mind. I feel at peace behind this keyboard. And being able to take pictures of the world around me to show some adventures I get to take, this blog has really become my baby in a way. Many of you know more of what I do in a week than my family does. It’s weird how hobbies can change a person isn’t it?

As a thanks to helping me grow, and as a challenge to myself because I should have posted this forever ago, I’ve decided to post the opening paragraph to that book I still haven’t finished. That’ll be on the bottom of this page, and I am freaking out a bit over doing it, but now that I’ve said it I kind of have to. No one has read that yet, and I mean that. 

Water is neat, isn’t it?

Before I go for today, I figured some shameless plugs for myself are in order. Because I have things like Patreon, Instagram, Twitter, and with this being what I want to do as a career, I would love it if you checked them out. You all are amazing, and I cannot thank you enough. Have an amazing day and stay safe out there!
— Deryn

Clear page break before the novel piece.

Today has been interesting. I’ve never been surrounded by so many bland people. What is the point of drinking until you pass out? I guess that’s what I get for having hobbies and no real friends. I’d much rather be at home reading, or playing cards. Young adults with raging hormones are battling everywhere for attention and alcohol. Man, I’m fucking tired. And the music; oh my God this music is ass.

“Hey babe,” sparks up from behind me.

“Oh hey,” crap, what a lackluster response. 

“You alright?” Tones of kindness and love bring joy to my heart. How sweet, the poor guy is worried about me. 

“Yeah cutie, I’m fine. I don’t know, I guess I’m just tired.”

“Okay, well if you need me at all, I’m going to be over by the food tent.” His heads up of where he’s going is wholesome. 

Too bad this world is boring. Our reality is just a bunch of people trying to make their way in a world that doesn’t want them. If only my world had something worthwhile going on. Magic, airships, literally anything at this point would make life worth my damn time: all I want is a hint of excitement. Well, at least I have food I guess.

This food tent is mediocre: breakfast from a cheap fast food joint and an insult of an attempt at handmade food line the tables. Why serve breakfast with alcohol? Doesn’t dinner, or even greasy American food pair better? It doesn’t help that rain started pouring down. Today is just another waste of my time. 

“Babe! Look at what I found!” The only thing in this world I really care about is him, isn’t that strange? “It’s your favourite!” 

Oh hey: tequila! And it’s my favourite too!