Almost Done

This year is getting closer and closer to the end, and that’s just crazy! The more I think about it, the more excited I get to start a fresh year with the infrastructure I’ve built for myself. So, I figured I would make a plan for everything I want to achieve over 2020 for my blog, myself, and everything in between. This post might get long, so sorry in advance, and I promise I’ll add some pictures. That promise is mostly for me, I get distracted easily.

For myself, I really want to keep my cooking and workout train rolling. In case you’ve missed it, I’ve been cooking quite a bit. Which has helped out with actually having energy and it’s actually fun. Get a killer playlist going and I can make full meals without getting bored and that taste amazing! – Link to the Last Post

Working out on the other hand, sucks. Mega sucks in fact. I hate doing it, I hate how I feel after, and I am super lazy, so it’s just difficult. But, my body looks a lot nicer than it did six months ago. After winter it starts getting warm, so I really should keep doing this, and getting strong, but it’s just awful. But I’m also not a quitter and like proving people wrong, so I’m going to continue to suffer.

This is a Plumbob, it floats above a Sims head. Owned by EA

I was watching a video on someone trying to make their apartment “perfect”, and they used The Sims to make it happen. – Link to Video – It really got me thinking about how life should be, and not how the world is trying to make it.

As for the blog, I’m hoping to give it a face lift or two, having to tag social media every post got old for me fast, so I want to get widgets and such for that. I’m also hoping to do the same with my social media so everything matches this. That just seems like a cool and effective thing to do. Plus, I have a lot, like – Link after Link – Plus Another Couple Links

I was reading a blog post by Jenny in Neverland because I love her blog so much, and I want to make a plan for my blog out, so keep an eye out for some snippets of that. I’m going to change my schedule around for sure, but I’ll make sure to let everyone know before I do.

For sure though, I’m going to work harder, smarter and overall as best as I can to make this blog, and my life as great as they can be. And buy a house, hopefully. This year has been a lot of up’s and down’s and I’m excited to see what happens through 2020 and the future. Plus I have to finish this book I’ve been writing eventually. If there are certain things you want to see from me, let me know! I’d love to hear from everyone!

Thank you to everyone who has stopped by, creeped my social media, and even decided to follow me through everything. And as always, thanks for reading!
— Deryn

Just Over a Month Left

This year is almost over already, isn’t that crazy? I’ve been blogging for about six months now, and I really enjoy this. I’ve learned a lot, met some new people and I even got to go back to my favourite country! Looking back at everything now, I’m so thankful for everyone in my life, and all of the awesome things I’ve got to do. With all that said, this year in particular has been fantastic for my mental and physical health.

Beautiful Picture – Credits

Mental health is a big thing for me, and even though I’ve started having panic attacks a bit more than I used to, I’m also starting to care about myself and how I feel. Taking more time out of my day for people I actually enjoy, and for hobbies that are healthy mostly. My crochet projects are still sad, but my cooking and baking are a lot better than prior to summer. And being able to blog, I constantly write bits of posts and just delete them after, but they help me get things off my chest. Ya know?

Physical health has never been my number one priority. Back in high school I worked out quite a bit from being in a dance class, but that was about it, and it’s been almost five years since I graduated. Only recently have I been working out regularly and making food that doesn’t rely on the microwave. Now, that ain’t much, but it’s enough I have actual energy and I’m happy. I haven’t been able to really mean that for awhile. I’m going to keep these habits going, and continue to be the best I can be.

Beautiful Picture – Credits

It takes a lot to recognize what is bringing you down, and even more to remove that, or learn how to stop letting said thing control you. Life can suck, a lot, and there’s nothing wrong with telling people you need a day off. Take care of yourself, and don’t forget, you matter. And feel free to reach out if you want someone to talk to.

Holidays are hard for a lot of people because of either family of the household, I know what that’s like. Stay strong everyone. And hopefully, if you get snow, it’s beautiful and not life ending. Thanks for following me for these past few months. You’re all amazing!
As always, follow me – Here and Here – and I appreciate it! Anyways…
Thanks for reading!
— Deryn

For Days I Can’t Focus

Now, full disclaimer, I’m not diagnosed with anything that would affect my ability to focus, but some days I can’t do anything for more that five minutes. Today is one of those days. I’ve been trying to build new MTG decks and I cannot focus enough to read half the cards, so I moved onto playing a board game and couldn’t focus to learn new rules. With the struggles, I figured I’d do dishes, washed the same plate four times. Friends have been messaging me all day and I can’t read what they’re sending.

Thoughts are just flooding my head and being so loud, it sucks so much. Even scratching my head has to be quick. My one friend recommended I sit in my bedroom and just relax, which ended poorly. I started going down the rabbit hole that is my brain and had a panic attack. Even Shadow is tired of following me around the house because I’m just walking back and forth.

Not being able to focus has stopped me from being able to notice things that should really be noticed, such as when something hurts. There are so many thoughts fighting for my attention that I don’t notice when I’m burning my hand, or that I sliced my finger while making dinner. Pain really should be what’s on my mind but I can’t focus on anything. I have a bad habit of biting the inside of my cheek, and I have been doing it for hours, I know I’m doing it even, but the pain isn’t registering so I haven’t stopped.

Now before people freak out, I’m not hurting myself. I’m just unable to tell things hurt until it’s a little late right now. I’m frustrated but I’m trying to slow myself down. After building four new decks and dancing for an hour, I think I’m starting to relax. Being able to think before doing things helps so much.

I’m sorry if this post is all over the place, but I really wanted to force myself to write this and focus on something for more than ten minutes. I love you all! Thanks for putting up with me today!
Thanks for reading!
— Deryn

Happy Birthday to Me

So that’s a thing. I’m twenty-two today and I’m doing nothing that exciting. Today’s agenda is comprised of work, woo… And then tonight we’re headed out to play some cards and have some drinks, which I’m most excited for! This morning my boyfriend made me breakfast.

Somethings I asked for – Cause I’m broke, I asked for things that can help my everyday life be just a tad bit easier. Examples are bus tickets, gift cards, that sort of thing. I’m low key hoping my boyfriend buys me a cute magic card or something. But that’s cause I’m a nerd. Otherwise, I’m wanting to see my friends more than anything.

I’ve decided that today I’m going to relax, put minimal effort into sales, and write some more. On a side note, I’ve been riding the bus more and have made a compilation of sorts of weird people. The bus is so strange.

Today’s post isn’t going to be too long as I am going to try and relax today. So pardon the lack of words. Is there anything you want me to talk about? Let me know! Come hang out here and here. Support is always appreciated, here and here. And as always…
Thanks for reading!
— Deryn

Happy Birthday Dad!

Today is my amazing fathers birthday. He’s forty-three today (yeah he’s young) and I will spend the whole day making fun of him for getting older. But I really wanted to tell him how much he matters to me.

Yeah I know I’m such a daddy’s girl, but my dad has been there for me my whole life. He was the only parent in my life and I treasure him more than I think he knows. He’s been with me from learning to walk to my first break up: from my first homework project to my first job interview. We’ve made time every birthday to celebrate each other and how much we care.

This year I wanted to surprise him with loads of gifts, however I planned my vacation at an odd time and don’t have the money to literally spoil him. Because of this, I wanted to make something to show my gratitude, as well as buy him a thing or two, but mostly this.

Dad, you’ve hit level forty-three in life, and that’s hilarious that we’re measuring it levels now. I know I haven’t seen all those years, but I am thrilled to see the rest. You’ve got a bald spot coming in on the back of your head and there is nothing you can do to hide it so stop trying. Thank you for being who you are even if that person is a five year old hiding in an adults body… I’m sorry I have to work today and can’t sit at home and watch TV with you, but I’m sure when my brother wakes up you’ll have a good laugh with him over whatever it is you’re watching before he goes to play his video games. Did you get some cake today? Cause if you didn’t I’m so going to buy one for you. Feel free to go to my house and steal Shadow for the day if you want. Or honestly just let yourself in and spend the day with him and my boyfriend. Just remember, today is about you. Not work, or bills, or none of that adult crap. Spend today being awesome, although that’s not hard for someone like you. I love you dad! Congrats on leveling up!

— Deryn

Mental Health

What an interesting topic. The past few years I’ve gone to counselling and I was seeing a therapist for a bit. Just as a way to keep on top of myself I’ve made a habit out of it almost. I’ve healed and learned a lot since I started going right after graduating high school.

My last year of high school I started a relationship I shouldn’t have. My fear of saying no and breaking someones heart got the better of me. I let myself do things I wouldn’t normally and let people do things to me that weren’t right. I was so convinced that this was something that made me happy and I let myself push everyone I cared about away. I didn’t even know I was doing it until it was too late. I left myself in a situation where I was alone. That was the most difficult time of my life. I came back and tried to fix it but clearly I was too late.

That past year I’ve fixed up some relationships that I still had and made some new friends along the way. I wish I could go and apologize to all the people I hurt but I don’t know if I’ll see them again. But one person in particular I miss, she was my best friend through school, and I hurt her the most. It sucks not saying hi to certain people anymore; not being able to tell them you’re sorry.

Now that I’m content and have learned from what I did and what I should have done, I’ve been more open about what happened and can even joke about it now. I recommend talking to a professional to everyone I know. I also offer my experience as a lesson to those who need it.

I’m writing this because I fell into a bit of a rut and couldn’t stop crying the other day. Since then I’ve been feeling burnt out. I’ve got a meeting with my counselor next week and cannot wait to see her again. I’m sorry for a longer and more serious post than normal but I wanted to tell someone what’s going on in my life right now. Thanks for listening to my rambles and here’s a picture of Shadow to make up for it all.

He’s all over my Insta

I appreciate you all and thanks for reading!
— Deryn

Trying Something New

People who get paid a lot more than I do say that it takes 21 days to develop or break a habit. Whether that’s not biting nails or getting into a workout routine, I think it’s legit.

For the past couple months, I’ve put myself into a rythm of waking up earlier and earlier. Now, 7:30 isn’t that crazy, but it’s something. I’m hoping to bump that to 7:00 so I can get into the habit of making a real lunch for work.

I saw a post on Tumblr saying to write, just go. Get a book and start scribbling thoughts. Quantity over quality to start. A book is an intimidating amount of words, but a story isn’t. We, as humans, tell stories all the time. I love that, and so I took it to heart. Getting farther in my book every day.

I used to crochet all the time and I miss doing that, so I’m going to start making blankets again, hopefully anyway. I really just want to keep myself busy since I have so much free time. I don’t like being bored. I’ve always got to be doing something with my time. Even playing a game makes me feel like I’m doing something. Even if it’s just farming turnips in Harvest Moon…

At least I’m keeping up with my blogging schedule! That’s a huge win for me! I appreciate all of my readers so much! Consider following me so you get updates! I’m also going to look into a newsletter so more people can get the updates.

Thanks for listening to me ramble!
— Deryn