For Days I Can’t Focus

Now, full disclaimer, I’m not diagnosed with anything that would affect my ability to focus, but some days I can’t do anything for more that five minutes. Today is one of those days. I’ve been trying to build new MTG decks and I cannot focus enough to read half the cards, so I moved onto playing a board game and couldn’t focus to learn new rules. With the struggles, I figured I’d do dishes, washed the same plate four times. Friends have been messaging me all day and I can’t read what they’re sending.

Thoughts are just flooding my head and being so loud, it sucks so much. Even scratching my head has to be quick. My one friend recommended I sit in my bedroom and just relax, which ended poorly. I started going down the rabbit hole that is my brain and had a panic attack. Even Shadow is tired of following me around the house because I’m just walking back and forth.

Not being able to focus has stopped me from being able to notice things that should really be noticed, such as when something hurts. There are so many thoughts fighting for my attention that I don’t notice when I’m burning my hand, or that I sliced my finger while making dinner. Pain really should be what’s on my mind but I can’t focus on anything. I have a bad habit of biting the inside of my cheek, and I have been doing it for hours, I know I’m doing it even, but the pain isn’t registering so I haven’t stopped.

Now before people freak out, I’m not hurting myself. I’m just unable to tell things hurt until it’s a little late right now. I’m frustrated but I’m trying to slow myself down. After building four new decks and dancing for an hour, I think I’m starting to relax. Being able to think before doing things helps so much.

I’m sorry if this post is all over the place, but I really wanted to force myself to write this and focus on something for more than ten minutes. I love you all! Thanks for putting up with me today!
Thanks for reading!
— Deryn

More Tuesday Tips!

Guess who caught a cold! I was sick over the weekend and let me tell you, I was literally useless for most of it, which sucks complete and utter ass. So for today, I wanted to compile all of my “get well soon” tricks. I spend a lot and I mean a lot of time on the internet, but sometimes “Dr. Google” just isn’t the way to go, ya know?

Do You Drink Tea?
Cause I do! All the damn time! And tea is a gift from the heavens let me tell you. Even if you’re not drinking it to “get better quick”, it’s like, 99.9% water. Which means you’re staying hydrated! And that’s exciting! Can you tell I had some cough medicine?
There are particular teas that are going to help more than others for sure, however I suck and hate them all. So I have been drinking earl grey and just adding stuff to it. Cinnamon makes me feel better so that’s usually my go to, although mint teas work wonders.

Own A Tub?
Holy snap, taking a bath! Now if you’re like me, sitting in the tub is boring. That just means we need to spice it up, right? I am a sucker for candles and bubbles. So naturally I light way too many candles and throw a bath bomb or some bubble bath in. Sitting and relaxing helps your body relax, which helps you get better just that little bit faster. You don’t really notice how being sick makes your whole body hurt and feel exhausted. The candles make amazing mood lighting which isn’t overwhelming to your eyes, and since you probably can’t smell, the insane amount of candles won’t ruin your day. I’m not lying when I say I light too many candles. The bath bombs and bubble bath are purely there to keep me wanting to sit in the tub.

Don’t Type Your Symptoms Into Google
Google is not a doctor. Please do yourself, and literally everyone else, a favour, if you’re scared that something is wrong GO SEE A REAL DOCTOR! They’re there to help.

Be Better Than Me And Remember To Eat
I woke up yesterday morning feeling a bit better, and starving since I forgot to eat for a whole day. Food is good for you. Your body needs to have energy to help you get better. Please remember to eat ❤

Be Kind To Yourself
Remember to rest, take a day off work to heal. Catch up on a movie and relax. Your body needs time to do its thing. You matter, don’t forget that.

And That’s What I’ve Got
My advice only goes so far. But that’s what this is; advice. Don’t use this over a doctors medical opinion please. PLEASE. Against my cold, these tips have really helped me survive. That and Benadryl when I just cannot sleep. If you’re sick too, may you get better soon and are able to get back to your normal lifestyle.

On A Side Note
Happy first day of spooky season! I wish I wasn’t starting October off sick, but here we are.

Time to get SPOOKY

Thanks for reading!
— Deryn

Mental Health

What an interesting topic. The past few years I’ve gone to counselling and I was seeing a therapist for a bit. Just as a way to keep on top of myself I’ve made a habit out of it almost. I’ve healed and learned a lot since I started going right after graduating high school.

My last year of high school I started a relationship I shouldn’t have. My fear of saying no and breaking someones heart got the better of me. I let myself do things I wouldn’t normally and let people do things to me that weren’t right. I was so convinced that this was something that made me happy and I let myself push everyone I cared about away. I didn’t even know I was doing it until it was too late. I left myself in a situation where I was alone. That was the most difficult time of my life. I came back and tried to fix it but clearly I was too late.

That past year I’ve fixed up some relationships that I still had and made some new friends along the way. I wish I could go and apologize to all the people I hurt but I don’t know if I’ll see them again. But one person in particular I miss, she was my best friend through school, and I hurt her the most. It sucks not saying hi to certain people anymore; not being able to tell them you’re sorry.

Now that I’m content and have learned from what I did and what I should have done, I’ve been more open about what happened and can even joke about it now. I recommend talking to a professional to everyone I know. I also offer my experience as a lesson to those who need it.

I’m writing this because I fell into a bit of a rut and couldn’t stop crying the other day. Since then I’ve been feeling burnt out. I’ve got a meeting with my counselor next week and cannot wait to see her again. I’m sorry for a longer and more serious post than normal but I wanted to tell someone what’s going on in my life right now. Thanks for listening to my rambles and here’s a picture of Shadow to make up for it all.

He’s all over my Insta

I appreciate you all and thanks for reading!
— Deryn

How To Self Care Like a Boss

So it’s Thursday and that means I’m back to work. Dealing with the public stresses me out beyond belief and sometimes you just need to scream ya know? Well instead of that, ’cause no one wants to hear me scream ever, I’ve learned how to relax and take some time for some needed self care. Now these are ways that I relax, and everyone is different so don’t feel pressured to “relax” the way other people do.

My first steps to unwinding are very particular. I struggle with just sitting in a tub, I feel like I’m being useless. So with that in mind, start with some candles. White, pink and red ones are my go to. If I’m wanting to drive creativity, swap the red for blue. From there, I decorate my bath tub with rose quartz, both because it’s a genuinely beautiful crystal, and it promotes self love. Put those around the candles and you start looking like a goddess on her day off! Now I know I said I don’t sit in the bathtub, but if the shower is running, that’s a whole other ball game right there.

After the decorating, I like to have a bathroom that smells nice. There’s a recipe I found on pinterest forever ago that had bath bombs but smaller that were meant to slowly release in a shower. I usually go for floral scents because a person can never have too many plants. Growing roses helps with the creating these shower disks too. Throw one of those bad boys in by the drain and you’re golden!

Now for the best part, getting in! I get lost sitting under the running water. If it wasn’t for the fact my water gets recycled I’d feel like a terrible person and wouldn’t do that as much.

After about a half hour I tend to feel physically lighter and a lot happier, which sometimes I really just need. Plus, I smell like roses after! There are other ways to unwind after a long day as well, but this is my go to when I’m heavy with stress. I’ve told a few friends of mine as well and they always thank me for the tips.

I’m thinking that next week I’ll share my other relaxation tips. If there’s anything you would recommend I add to my routine, feel free to comment! I read them all! Anyways…

Thanks for reading!

— Deryn